It’s reflection time for Angela. This is one of those posts that I always debate whether I should really write. Should I voice my thoughts and insecurities and give them a permanent place to be seen? But it’s been going over and over in my head, so writing it I am.
I feel at a crossroads lately. A place of undecided futures. I know the future is always unknown, but it seems particularly foggy to me these days. And I know that is because I’m foggy about what I want it to be. You see, I’ve completed some of my dreams, my “maybe some day”, my “I could only dream of that happening”, my “that could never be me”. I’m aware of these things and SO grateful for them and the opportunities I’ve had. I had some friends suggest I list these things out for myself to get some perspective.
I’ve won the Moda Bakeshop Sliced Competition complete with a ridiculous grand prize of tons of fabric, notions and a beautiful Sewing Machine.
I’ve traveled to teach quilting.
I’ve worked with designers and their beautiful fabrics.
I’ve done swaps and bees galore and created some of my favorite pieces I’ve made for other people.
And though I haven’t really talked about it yet because I’m still in the final editing stages, I’ve written a book. It will be available in the Spring of 2014 but you can read a bit about it here if you like.
And of course, there is the ultimate goal for me, creating lasting friendships. I’ve connected with so many people throughout the course of all of the above and they are truly the people who help me get through a day sometimes. I love to celebrate the victories and drown the sorrows with them.
So that’s all well and good, and some of you might think that I’m just patting myself on the back here. But I’m not. Truly. I’m trying to remind myself of what I have done and figure out what it is I still want to do. I’ve put in an extraordinary amount of work to do all of the above and more (quilt alongs, sew alongs, blog hops, quilts for family members and friends, etc). In some ways, I wonder if I’m done. I had my moment and created some beautiful things. And I probably shouldn’t ask for more.
But I am. Because of those secret dreams. There are clearly some amazing dreams that have come true. They do not come true for free…you have to work for them. And I’m wondering what is it that I want to fight for next. What is worth fighting for? Another book? More teaching around the country, the world?! Designing quilts or fabrics? Working with designers to see their visions come to life?
I can’t get past the feeling that there is more. I have more in me somewhere. I have dreams that I barely whisper to myself because it’s hard when those dreams don’t seem to have a reality. Or when the dreams seem to come at the cost of my health or my sanity or my family (a very real consideration when tackling any big dream).
My dreams. They haunt me at times. They tickle and tease me with glimmers of hope and then dashes of reality. I don’t have an answer.
How do you continue to dream and how do you pursue your dreams?